


fragments

by taylorstwice



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Crying, F/F, Heavy Angst, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, Jihyo you need to stop being so selfless, Jitzu, Nayeon is the caring mother, There's an alternative au of this on twitter, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26546113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice
Summary: Jihyo made 2 promises, and she vowed to keep them until her final breath. Love and happiness.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Park Jisoo | Jihyo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. chapter one : the act of betrayal

Fragments.

Fragments of hearts.

Fragments of trust.

That is all Jihyo has now.

Gone was the happiness in her heart and the earnestness in her mind to see the person she loves as the same exact person lied on their bed with one of their friends with blissful smiles, eyes starting at someone that is not her, shining with something Jihyo hasn't seen for the last weeks that had passed.

 _'Is she the cause other happiness now?'_ Jihyo can't help but let a lone tear fall from her face. That was her once.

How come fate wanted to change that so quickly? She was once the cause of her smiles, her joy, her pain, her happiness. Jihyo knows that love doesn't just come with happiness and sunny days, love also brings pain and suffering and storms within the people sharing one love, and that's how it works for a relationship to grow. Jihyo knows love will never be perfect, that's why she always thinks back in time when they would fight and realize those quarrels made their relationship stronger, but now...this is not a problem they will ever get to avoid.

It wasn't until one of them looked up and saw Jihyo staring at them from the doorway, hands dangling on her sides, an unexplainable look on her face. Sana sat up quietly, a comprehending look on her face as she gauged for Jihyo's reaction, for any outburst, but the girl stayed not moving on her place, just staring at them with blank eyes. Tzuyu finally looked up and noticed her girlfriend standing idly by the doorway, looking at them. She sat up fast, her heart hammering through her chest as the fear settled in her mind as she saw that the girl wasn't giving them any reaction.

Sana started it first when she noticed that Tzuyu was beginning to fidget. ' **'Jihyo, it's not what it looks like, we can explain. Please don't misunderst---''** Jihyo didn't interrupt her, she simply smiled that caused Sana to stop talking.

Why is she smiling? She just saw her girlfriend cheating on her with one of their best friends, how can she smile?

Jihyo stretched her smile more, finally moving her body as she looked down for a moment to gather her thoughts, feet shuffling on their own.

 **"What is there to misunderstand? it clearly shows that...you are her new happiness. Who am I to be against her happiness?"** Tzuyu tried to stop her hands from shaking but she couldn't. Not with these kind of words leaving Jihyo's mouth.

 **"l'm surprised that I'm taking all of this...calmly. Probably because I already know that Tzuyu isn't happy with me anymore, but Sana..."** Jihyo looked up and and trace of a smile passed on her face was gone.

**"You can't hide this from Dahyun. Dahyun doesn't deserve to be lied to. Let alone be cheated on."**

A small voice whispered quietly in the silent room. **"Jihyo unnie...are you letting me go?"**

Jihyo smiled at her brokenly. **"Why would I hold someone to me when they're not even happy with me anymore?''**

Tzuyu shook in fear at the thought of Jihyo leaving l her. **"Are you giving up on me?"**

**"This is not giving up Tzu. This is letting go. I want you to be happy.''**

Sana's words broke Tzuyu and Jihyo's conversation. **"I can't tell her Jihyo."**

Jihyo turned and looked at Sana. She can try and endure the pain, but she couldn't let anyone get hurt in this mess anymore. **"You have to."**

 **"I can't lose Dahyun."** Sana's voice shook at the thought of Dahyun leaving her.

**"So what do you want? You want to keep being with Tzuyu while Dahyun doesn't know? Can your conscience handle that? Are you that..."**

**"Am I what?"** Sana asks daringly, an edge on her voice.

Jihyo composed herself and spoke. **"It's either you say it to her, or I tell her. You have to pick Sana."**

 **"Jihyo unnie."** Jihyo turned when she heard her name slipping out of Tzuyu's mouth, bittersweet feeling overcoming her as she looked at her once lover.

Jihyo managed to slip a small smile towards the girl she loves. **"I hope you're happy with your decision Tzuyu. I hope you're happy with her.''**

**"Jihyo unnie wait up, please let me explain."**

**"Tzuyu, what is there for me to understand?"**

**"Please don't go. Please. Talk. We...We need to talk, okay?"** Tzuyu's panicking now as she watch Jihyo stand only a few feet away from the other room. She started patting the bed for her clothes but somehow she couldn't feel even one article of clothing she wore earlier.

Jihyo chuckled painfully, the aching of her heart now becoming unbearable. Tzuyu halted when she heard words coming out ofJihyo's mouth. **"No, we don't. There's nothing to talk about. I fully understand our situation."**

Tzuyu's sob stopped Jihyo on her place.

**"Please don't give up on me."**

Everyone has their limits and Jihyo reached hers. Jihyo took a deep breath and proceeded out of the door, leaving a quiet Sana and a sobbing Tzuyu.


	2. chapter two : the breaking of hearts

_~~Later that night...~~ _

Nayeon was watching a Korean drama in the living room when she heard the doorbell ring. Since she knows Jeongyeon is busy making their dinner for later, she took it upon herself to answer the door.

She opened the door to see Jihyo standing lifelessly in front of her, her eyes lost in the sea of nowhere. She tried calling the younger girl's name but the girl didn't respond. It's like she didn't even know that somebody already answered the door.

 **"Jihyo?''** Nayeon looked at Jihyo with a worried expression as Jihyo looked up and stared at her with blank eyes. **"Jeong---"**

Jihyo stopped her from calling the other older girl. **''Unnie, I don't have much time and you can't tell that I went to your place to anyone."**

**"Even Jeongyeon unnie. Just...meet me at the park after an hour, okay?''**

Jihyo suddenly hugged Nayeon. All her will to continue are going down drastically and she needed a support, and Nayeon was her support. Nayeon hugged Jihyo back, noticing how cold and stiff the girl was.

**"What is happening Jihyo?"**

Jihyo broke off the hug and wiped away the tears that managed to fall from her eyes, not even bothering to hide it from the older girl since she will know the reason behind it later anyway. **"l'll tell you soon."**

Jihyo turned and walked away after waving goodbye, disappearing after she entered the elevator.

Nayeon proceeded to close the door with confusion still on her face, walking back towards the living room couch.

 **"Unnie, who was that?"** Jeongyeon peeped her head out of the kitchen door, curious about who Nayeon answered the door to.

Nayeon was about to answer Jihyo's name but then she remembered that the girl didn't want Jeongyeon to know that she visited.

**"Ji-Just a random guy knocking with flyers. Advertising for nude modelling."**

Jeongyeon's head disappeared from the kitchen door and then Nayeon heard something being placed on their kitchen counter. Jeongyeon stepped out of the kitchen with a serious look on her face. **"What the heck. You shut the door on his face right?"**

Nayeon frowned and shook her head. **''That's rude."**

Jeongyeon stared at her in disbelief. **"You didn't?!"**

**"Why would I do that?!"**

Jeongyeon grabbed Nayeon's hand and pulled her in the kitchen where the smell of ramyeon lingered. **"Unnie, it's a guy advertising for nude modelling and you didn't shut the door on his face!"**

**"He might think that you're probably considering it since you didn't shut the door on his face!''**

Jeongyeon suddenly left Nayeon's side and took her apron off, the serious look never leaving her face. **"Where are you going?** " Nayeon asked.

 **"Running after the guy. I need to clarify that you're not interested."** Nayeon immediately grabbed Jeongyeon's hand to stop her from going out.

 **"Jeong no!"** Jeongyeon turned irritated and glared at her girlfriend.

**"Aish! Why are you stopping me unnie?! This is for your safety too!"**

**"The guy looked smart. I'm pretty sure he knows what 'no' means when a person says it."**

Jeongyeon let out a loud sigh and pulled her girlfriend in a hug. **"Okay, I'll trust your judgement."**

~~_After One Hour_ ~~

Nayeon stood up from being seated on the couch and stretched her arms up, turning around to face the direction of the kitchen. **"Jeong!"**

 **"Hmmmm?"** Jeongyeon answered from the kitchen.

Nayeon made her way towards the shoe rack and started to put on her shoes.

 **"l'm gonna buy Patbingsu. You want anything?''** Steps echoed in the apartment.

Jeongyeon appeared beside her, grabbing her shoes. **"Wait up, I'm coming with you."**

 **"NO!"** Nayeon stood up quickly, walking towards the door in fast pace.

She turned towards Jeongyeon when she's already holding the doorknob.

 **"Why not?''** Jeongyeon asked, looking up from tying her shoelaces.

 **"Just stay here, okay? I'll be back. The pizza I ordered might arrive."** Nayeon ran out of the door before Jeongyeon can even reply.

Nayeon saw a silhouette of a girl sitting alone on one of the benches in the park near her apartment. She approached the girl quietly and when she made sure that it was Jihyo, she made herself known.

 **"Jihyo?''** The said girl looked up from her staring contest with the ground and greeted her unnie with a small smile, scooting a bit to give the older girl a place to sit on.

 **"Hi unnie."** Jihyo greeted as Nayeon took her seat. With the help of the lamp posts just a few feet away from them and the moonlight, Nayeon can make out a few tear stains decorating Jihyo's pale face, who's back at staring at nothing.

She nudged the younger girl, making her look at her. **"Are you okay? You scared me earlier. What's wrong?"**

Jihyo released a loud sigh that made Nayeon worry more. **"Everything's...kind of in place but then it feels so wrong."**

 **"Why? What happened?''** Nayeon asked.

 **"Tzuyu..."** Jihyo trailed off the name, tasting the bitterness in her mouth as she remembered their happy smiles. Jihyo felt the same ache in her heart again, adding more tears in her eyes that she's fighting off from falling.

**"Tzuyu what?''**

Jihyo took a breather and looked at Nayeon, giving the older girl a broken smile. **''Tzuyu cheated on me."**

Nayeon couldn't believe what she heard. She never thought in a million years that Tzuyu would do that to someone, let alone that someone being Jihyo.

 **"With Sana."** Jihyo added nonchalantly, staring at the tree in front of her, swaying with the wind as the night rolls with time.

 **"Are you sure?''** This question earned Nayeon a gaze from Jihyo.

**"Unnie, what do you mean are you sure?''**

Nayeon looked at her apprehensively before clarifying her question. **"Are you sure they cheated on you?''**

Jihyo laughed and grabbed her beer that was on the ground, taking a swig before answering the bunny. **''Unnie, they were naked."**

**"What can they possibly be doing while being naked? Checking each other's boobs if they have breast cancer? Well, the need to take off their pants aren't supposed to be done, right?"**

Nayeon silenced herself after realizing that she asked a stupid question. **"Are you okay?''**

A deafening silence landed on them for a few moments.

Jihyo decided to speak when the crickets started getting louder. **''Have you ever felt trapped in a situation, unnie?"**

**"Have you ever been in a situation where you have to let go of the person you love the most because you're not their happiness anymore? But at the same time not want them to go because you love them that much?"**

Jihyo turned and looked at Nayeon, the older finally seeing how shattered Jihyo was.

Because that's Jihyo. She hides everything she feels until she breaks.

Jihyo put the beer down and clutched her shirt, just above her chest. Above her heart.

**"It kills so much inside. Unnie, it hurts so much."**

**"Do you think you can forgive her?''**

The younger girl quickly shook her head, staring at nowhere. **"I can never hate her even if I tried."**

**"That's not what I asked Jihyo. Hate is different from forgiving."**

**"But you wouldn't forgive someone if you don't hate them or hold a grudge on them, unnie."**

Nayeon decided to change the topic. **"How are you feeling?"**

 **"I feel like I'm wilting. Like a flower losing its energy to grow."** Jihyo took a deep breath and proceeded. **"Unnie, do you know that I promised something to Tzuyu's mom before she died?''**

Nayeon thought back and remembered Jihyo telling her something about Tzuyu's mom asking her to do something. **''You've only said that you made a promise to her, but you didn't tell me what it was."**

**"It was two promises unnie."**


	3. chapter three : remembering that day

_**"Jihyo dear, can you promise me something?"** The room was bright, the vase on the bedside table was full of colorful flowers, yet the aura inside was gloomy. It was dark, and sad and Jihyo didn't like it. She approached the woman lying on the bed as the small monitor kept beeping loudly, alerting her that something bad was happening.  
_

_She wanted to leave. She wanted to call someone but Tzuyu beat her to it. It should've been Tzuyu staying here with her mom, not her. She should've been the one calling the doctors, not Tzuyu.  
_

_Mrs. Chou held on Jihyo's hand tightly, smiling at the girl even though she was in a lot of pain.  
_

_**"What is it auntie?"** Jihyo put herself on the chair just beside the bed where Tzuyu sat earlier.  
_

_**"Can you make her happy? Give her everything that makes her happy?"** The request shocked the younger girl, her hold on the older woman's hand loosened. Make Tzuyu happy? Can she do that?_

_**"Tzuyu, she grew up not having that smile always gracing her face. She always had to worry about me and if she's not worrying about me, she's always being haunted by her father's death. I can see that you make her happy. Please keep that bright smile on her face for me."** Mrs. Chou looked up at Jihyo and gave the younger girl a weak smile, her face showing signs of wilting.  
_

_Jihyo shook her head and smiles, tears threatening to fall from already shining eyes. **"Auntie, you're going to make it! Just hold on for a little bit longer, Tzuyu's getting the doctors."**  
_

_Mrs. Chou laughed, still keeping her tight hold on Jihyo's hand. **"We both know that that's a lie, Jihyo. Please promise me that you'll do anything to keep that smile on her face. Please Jihyo."**  
_

_**"I promise, auntie."** Mrs. Chou smiled happily at Jihyo.  
_

_**"I still have another one."**  
_

_**"What is it auntie?"**  
_

_**"Keep loving her f-for me?"**  
_

_**"Auntie..."**  
_

_**"Tzuyu always had only wanted love in her whole life. Please give that to her."**  
_

_**"I will auntie."**  
_

_**"Thank you Jihyo."**  
_

_The line went flat._


	4. chapter four : let me cry my heart out

**"I promised her mom those two things. I promised that I'd give her anything that makes her happy and that I'd love her."** Jihyo faced Nayeon and it was that time when Nayeon saw Jihyo's shedding tears.

 **"The second promise, I'm pretty sure I can accomplish that until the day I die. I love her that much."** Jihyo reassured.

She turned quiet for a moment but then turned to the older girl with new tears brimming in her eyes. **"But if her happiness is with Sana and not with me, shouldn't I just let them be?"**

 **"Jihyo."** The said girl looked at her unnie. **"You've never thought about yourself this entire time, have you."**

 **"It's not like I don't want to put myself first,"** Jihyo took a sip of her beer. **"but when you love, you always put them first, right?"**

She turned away and stared at the moon. **"Every time you see them, you put them first. You always want to make them smile because you think that's the best thing that you can ever see in this world. Even when they're not around, you still think about them before yourself. When you're at a mall, thinking if you'd buy a new dress for yourself or a puppy plushie for them, you already know that you'd pick the puppy plushie because,"** Jihyo shrugged. **"you put them first."**

 **"Even if they hurt you, you still put them first."** Jihyo turned to Nayeon. **"lf Jeongyeon unnie broke up with you and you learned that she's hurt one random day, what would you do?"**

**"You'd still choose to help her even if you know that you'll be hurt when you see her, right? You can't say that bullshit excuse, that you're doing that because you're only a person helping another fellow person, no. That's entire bollocks and we all know that's only an excuse."**

**"We still choose to put the person we love first even if they hurt us. That's how stupid the world is. We are all big masochists in the end."**

**"So what are you going to do?"** Nayeon asked.

Jihyo shrugged, resting her elbows on her knees as she hunched. **"Probably live in my grandma's for a while."**

Jihyo turned her head and looked at the tall condominiums surrounding the park, remembering the one room where she saw the most heartbreaking thing in her life.

**"I can't stay at the dorm. As much as I love her, I can't stay in the place where everything changed. If I can be a masochist, I can also be in denial."**

**"l'm here Jihyo. Don't ever think that you're alone. If you need someone to talk to, call me. I'll drop anything for you."** Jihyo smiled, touched at her unnie's words. She wiped a tear away. **"Thanks unnie."**

 **"So how are you going to go from here? Are you going to ignore her? Them?"** Jihyo shrugged again. **"I need time. I...can't fathom to see them right now. Or any time soon."**

 **"You will need to talk to them eventually."** Nayeon rubbed circles on Jihyo's back.

Jihyo wondered if her unnie can hear the continuous bombing in her heart.

 **"I know."** She said quietly, hanging her head low.

After some a few moments, Jihyo looked up at Nayeon with teary eyes. **"Can I hug you unnie?"**

Nayeon smiled and turned her body towards the girl, spreading her arms wide. Jihyo gave the girl a grateful smile and wrapped her arms around Nayeon's waist, hiding her face on the crook of the bunny's neck.

Soon, loud sobbings echoed in the dark, isolated park.


	5. chapter five : yield myself from you

Jihyo woke up from the call of her grandmother. She got up from her bed with a tired body and swollen eyes, her feet trying to find her slippers. It's been three days after she saw Tzuyu and Sana and she's been avoiding the two like a plague.

Actually, she's been avoiding the group as well except for her Nayeon unnie. She's been going to school alone, even though Nayeon insisted that she'd pick her up, but Jihyo knew that Nayeon can't drive and that meant that it'd be Jeongyeon driving the car.

Jeongyeon reminds her so much of Tzuyu.

One of the reasons as to why Jihyo didn't want Jeongyeon to know what happened between her and Tzuyu was because Jeongyeon sees Tzuyu as a sister. And Tzuyu sees her like that as well. Jihyo didn't want to take that away from Tzuyu.

She didn't want to ruin Jeongyeon and Tzuyu's relationship just because she wasn't Tzuyu's happiness anymore.

Jihyo sighed and then went on with her routine, going downstairs and greeting her halmeoni good morning, eat with her and then get ready for school.

After taking a bath and dressing herself with her school uniform, Jihyo grabbed her bag on the top of her table and went downstairs, kissed her grandmother goodbye and then walked her way to school.

Her grandmother did notice her sudden urge to stay with her after Jihyo told her that she would be staying with her for a while and the older lady hadn't failed to address the question that was lingering in her mind.

**_"Aren't you living with that pretty girl you introduced to me? What was her name? Oh Tzuyu! Why did you leave Tzuyu all alone in your dorm?"_ **

Truthfully, Jihyo didn't know what to respond to her grandmother when she asked her that the day after she found out about Tzuyu and Sana's affair, good thing the school bus that always passed by her grandmother's house honked when it passed by.

Jihyo can remember how she smiled tearfully at her dear grandmother and pulled her into a hug, told her she'd be home soon and then just walked out the door.

She knew her grandmother wanted to ask her about her sad smile and teary eyes but Jihyo didn't want to bother her grandmother with her dramas. So she left before her precious grandma could ask anything.

Jihyo kicked a rock on the way and saw a little puppy just outside a house, looking up at the closed gates, as if waiting for it to open. She smiled as she knew who owned the place.

She stepped up at the gate and pressed the doorbell, rubbed the puppy's head and then went on her way. She smiled a bit when she heard the gate open and the familiar voice entered her ears.

Jihyo entered the school with her head down low, not trying to interact with anyone.

She's been like this for the past three days, going to school, drowning herself in her studies and avoiding everyone she knows and then back to her grandma's house to drown herself again with more studies.

She's quite thankful that she's not in the same grade as everyone else. She stepped inside the room and sat on her chair, minding her own business until she sees a hand holding flowers just in front of her desk. The _oohs_ lingered in the room as Jihyo kept her head down low.

It's no question as to who the person is.

Jihyo looked up and saw guilty orbs staring back at her, a small smile on her face and right then and there, Jihyo just wanted to hug the girl and just comfort her.

But she didn't.

Tzuyu felt conscious as everyone's eyes were on them and yet Jihyo's not doing anything. She's just staring at her with unreadable eyes and a blank face.

 _'Don't you dare put her first again.'_ Jihyo's mind scolded her.

But Jihyo's still in love, no matter how much it hurts.

She smiled and grabbed the flowers, stood up and wrapped her arms around the young girl. **"Thank you."** Tzuyu hugged back, hugged back tight, and she willed herself not to let her tears fall from her eyes.

 _'You don't know if this is real.'_ She told herself.

Everyone inside the classroom melted and then went back to their own worlds, leaving Jihyo and Tzuyu still hugging.

Jihyo tried to pull back but Tzuyu kept hugging her, a silent cry leaving her mouth. **"Please hold me."**

She shouldn't. Jihyo knows. She shouldn't do this for Tzuyu. She's supposed to push her and yell at her from the start. She's supposed to let her feel the pain she's been feeling all throughout the days she went away.

But to Jihyo's dismay, she knows that she's not like that. She knows that she's not that kind of person.

So she held Tzuyu. She let the girl savor the hug. Not an embrace. Just a hug. Probably because this will be the last time she gets to hug the older girl.

When she felt that it was time to let go, Tzuyu pulled back and stared at Jihyo again, but was met with the same look she saw when Jihyo saw her with Sana.

The same unreadable look.

Jihyo smiled but it wasn't the smile she had always wanted on Jihyo. In fact, it was the smile she hated the most. **"It's getting late. You should go back to class Tzuyu."**

Before Jihyo can sit again, Tzuyu pulled and intertwined her hand with her. Jihyo turned back and stared at her again. ' **'Unnie, can we talk? After school? I know you're avoiding us, but can we talk? Just the two of us?''**

Jihyo only stared at her.

**"l'll wait. In the playground. At the swings."**

Jihyo took her seat and faced her again.

 **"You should go, Tzuyu."** Jihyo said and then focused on her phone.

Tzuyu left feeling defeated but she had made up her mind. She will wait. No matter what.

Just 30 minutes left in the class, Jihyo excused herself to use the restroom and the teacher permitted her to do so. It wasn't an excuse, she really needed to go to the restroom, to compose herself again and have time to think about what Tzuyu had said.

As she entered the girl's restroom, she saw that two of the three cubicles were closed and that familiar laughs were ringing in the room. She quickly entered the last unoccupied one after she heard the locks getting unlocked, and then footsteps echoed inside.

 **"Momo unnie, do you really had to shove that ice cream at Chaeyoung yesterday?"** Dahyun asked, making a smile creep on Jihyo's face. Jihyo waited until she was sure that the two was gone and then stepped out of the cubicle, only to be hugged.

 **"Jihyo unnie! I didn't know it was you who entered the restroom earlier!"** Dahyun said as she stayed hanging on Jihyo, her arms wrapped around the older girl.

 **"Yah Jihyo, how come you haven't been spending time with us?"** Momo asked the still occupied girl, who's still been captured by Dahyun's tofu arms.

 **"Sorry, I've just been pretty busy these past few days."** Jihyo answered with difficulty as she tried to avoid Dahyun's kisses.

 **"Yah unnie, why won't you let me kiss you? I haven't seen you for three days!"** Dahyun still tried to kiss the older girl but Jihyo wasn't having it.

 **"Dahyun-ah, have you talked to your Sana unnie?"** Jihyo asked the tofu girl as she still pushed the younger girl away from her.

Dahyun finally admitted defeat and stepped back. **"About what unnie?"**

Jihyo smiled as her suspicions are answered. **"Ah. It's nothing."**

Jihyo called Dahyun's attention again. **"Dahyun-ah, can I give you an advice?"**

Dahyun nodded happily. **"Sure unnie."**

Jihyo took a few minutes to collect her thoughts before saying what she wanted the girl to know.

**"When you're in pain, don't let your heart take decisions, okay?"**

Dahyun was quite take aback but she nodded understandingly. **"That's kind of sudden, but I'll apply it unnie!"** The bell rang from outside and Dahyun quickly bid her goodbye and told Momo that she'd wait for her outside.

Assuring that Dahyun was outside, Momo put her hand on Jihyo's shoulder. **"Everything's gonna be alright. I'm pretty sure Tzuyu won't be mad when she knows."**

Jihyo only smiled.

The day passed on, Jihyo didn't attend the rest of her classes again. When lunch time came, her friends never saw her step foot in the cafeteria. They also didn't see her when the dismissal bell rang.

Tzuyu said her goodbyes to her unnies and waited in the playground, sitting on the swing, fiddling with her fingers.

 _'She will come.'_ Tzuyu tried to fool herself.

Tzuyu waited until dark, but Jihyo never came.


	6. chapter six : to meet the unexpected

_~~Tuesday Night...~~ _

**"What's with the sudden get together Nayeon unnie?"** Dahyun asked as she entered Nayeon and Jeongyeon's apartment with Sana walking just behind her. Dahyun gave the bottle of beers she brought to Jeongyeon who happily skipped towards the kitchen when she got hold of the beverage.

**"Nothing. Can't we just hangout on a random night?"**

**"If Jihyo unnie is here, she'd be telling us no because it's a school day."** Chaeyoung chirped from the living room couch, resting her head comfortably on Mina's shoulder, who's watching a Korean drama playing on the tv. Tzuyu, who's the first one to get there, suddenly tensed when she heard her Jihyo unnie's name being mentioned.

 **"That's totally accurate Chaeng."** Jeongyeon agreed as she stepped out of the kitchen with tteokbokki and kimbap. She placed them on the center table and sat on the couch on Chaeng's left side, pulling Nayeon beside her as Sana crossed the living room and sat beside Tzuyu.

 **"Oh don't worry, she'll be here to scold us personally."** Momo says nonchalantly, already eating one third of the sliced kimbap.

Everyone's head turned to her.

 **"Jihyo's coming?"** Nayeon asked.

Momo nodded. **"Yeah. I told her and invited her, she said she'd try to catch up since she got something to do at the hospital."**

Dahyun gaped at Momo from Jeongyeon's side. **"She actually said yes?"** The raccoon frowned at her and ate the kimbap she was holding.

**"Why wouldn't she say yes?"**

**"We've been trying to have her hangout with us last week. She always had the excuse that she's busy."** Chaeyoung pointed out, pouting when she remembered how sad the group was last week because they were Jihyoless.

 **"That wasn't a lie. She was busy. With something."** When Momo looked at the girls with a certain look, they understood completely. Except for the two girls sitting on the same couch as her.

 **"So when is she getting here?"** Tzuyu asked solemnly, looking around.

 **"I don't know. Actually, I don't know why I knew about this. Tzuyu, you're supposed to be the one to know about this. You're her girlfriend."** Momo said, not aware of the look Nayeon threw at Tzuyu and Sana. Tzuyu only bowed her head in shame.

 **"Jihyo and Tzu---"** Sana tried speaking up an excuse for Tzuyu when the doorbell rang. Dahyun stood up and ran to the door, surprising the last guest with a bone crushing hug. **"JIHYO UNNIE!"**

A smile formed on everyone's face, even on the two. Jihyo giggled at Dahyun's cuteness andnhugged her back, closing her eyes since she knows who she will see if she kept them open. Dahyun pulled back and grinned at Jihyo. **"I missed you unnie! We all missed you so much!"**

Jihyo smiled warmly at Dahyun. **"I missed you all too."**

**"Come on! They're waiting for you!"**

Jihyo laughed and rolled her eyes. **"As if they haven't heard our whole conversation."**

As Jihyo and Dahyun made theirway towards the group, Jeongyeon suddenly stood up and spread her arms open, one hand already holding a bottle of beer. **"If it isn't the evasive Park Jihyo."**

Jihyo chuckled and smirked at Jeongyeon. **"You know I had my reasons Jeongyeon."**

 _'Do they know? Had Jihyo unnie told them already? How come they're not acting mad and sad and disappointed? What are her reasons except for our break up?'_ Tzuyu wondered what those reasons were.

Jihyo sat across from Tzuyu and Sana yet she never batted her eyelashes at them, instead she put her attention on her other friends.

 **"Unnie, you've been gone for a long time."** Chaeyoung said, pouting with her sad eyes.

 **"I missed you too my favorite maknae."** Jihyo wished she never said that.

 **"Favorite maknae? lsn't Tzuyu your favorite maknae?"** Momo asked confusedly.

Jihyo was forced to look at the girl she never met on that Wednesday afternoon, and she gave her that smile that made Tzuyu ball her hands into fist. _**"That's different."**_

Dahyun whined from Jeongyeon's side. **"Wait, so I'm not your favorite maknae? Just because I'm the unnie in the maknae line doesn't mean I get to be disrespected like this!"** The group laughed at Dahyun's childishness.


	7. chapter seven : the ruined happiness of all

Just after a few hours of talking (and drinking) and hanging out, Jeongyeon, who's already drunk, suddenly pointed out something.

**"Yah Tzuyu. Why are you sitting with Sana? Aish. Jihyo is your girlfriend. She might not show it but she feels jealous too. The girl has feelings you know. The same with your girlfriend, Sana."**

Dahyun turned towards Jeongyeon and smiled, shaking her head. **"It's okay unnie, I don't mind."** She half-lied.

It wasn't like Dahyun never noticed how Sana was always beside Tzuyu, she did. She just tells herself that Sana's just being a good unnie to their maknae.

Jeongyeon was the most drunk in the group, quite opposite to her girlfriend, who's sitting quietly beside Jihyo. Jeongyeon raised her beer and screamed. " **Yah! Let's get Jihyo drunk!"** She then proceeded to pat Jihyo's back, Nayeon guiding her to make it gentler.

Momo, who's already buzzed a bit, smiled at Jihyo. **"Another scholarship will come Ji. Don't worry about it."**

Everyone turned silent for a while.

Sana turned towards Momo who's sitting beside her. How come she never heard about Jihyo and a scholarship? **"S-Scholarship?"**

Momo nodded as she took a sip of her drink again. **"Yup! Jihyo was offered a full scholarship by Busan University but she denied it because it was too far from Tzuyu."**

Everyone knew about it, except for Sana and Tzuyu since...they were together when Jihyo told the group about what she was planning.

Jihyo kept her head down as she felt Sana and Tzuyu's eyes on her.

Tzuyu heard something shattering, but when she tried to look for the cause, she didn't find any. She then realized that it was her heart.

Now that the cat's out of the bag, the group (minus Nayeon, Sana and Tzuyu) started to openly tease Jihyo about her sweet gesture.

 **"Aw! That's so sweet Jihyo unnie!"** Chaeyoung teased the older girl.

 **"Jihyo?"** Nayeon called her friend, sensing the atmosphere getting thicker as teases started piling up.

The younger girl turned to her. **"Unnie?"**

**"Can we talk in private?"**

Jeongyeon, who apparently heard their conversation, started to whine. **"Yah Nabongs! We were going to make Jihyo drunk, what the hell!"**

Nayeon, finally having of Jeongyeon's annoying antics, stood up and glared at the younger girl. **"No one's getting drunk. Especially not Jihyo."** Nayeon pulled Jihyo and entered her room, slamming the door shut.

 **"I don't know if you guys noticed, but Nayeon unnie's been acting weird these past few days. Especially when it came to Jihyo unnie."** Chaeyoung pointed out her observation. **"She's been pretty protective towards Jihyo unnie even though she wasn't with us the whole week."**

The group nodded in agreement when they realized that the cub was right.

Tzuyu suddenly spoke. **"We broke up."**

 **"Get out of town Tzu. That's never going to happen! You're both made for each other!"** Dahyun said happily. Tzuyu turned towards her friend and tears began to pool in her eyes as she remembered the grave crime her and Sana did.

Sana sensed what Tzuyu's about to do and she stopped her. She grabbed Tzuyu's arm and turned her towards her. **"Tzuyu, don't do this."**

Tzuyu's first tear fell for her face and there and then, the group knew that this won't be a good night.

**"We have to, unnie. We're hurting them more by hiding this."**

**"What are you guys talking about?"** Momo asked since she could hear their conversation since she's seated beside Sana. It was like a bucket of ice was dunk on her head when she heard what Tzuyu said.

 **"Tzuyu."** The mentioned girl turned when she heard Jeongyeon's scary I call. **"Did you and Jihyo really..."**

Tzuyu nodded silently. Everyone couldn't believe what they're seeing or hearing.

 **"Since when?"** Mina asked from beside Chaeyoung. **"Last week."** Tzuyu answered with her head bowed down. A lot of gasps erupted in the quiet room.

 _'So that's why Jihyo didn't want to be with us.'_ The group thought in sync.

 **"Who broke up with who?"** Chaeyoung's steady voice asked as she hugged Mina who's already on the verge of crying.

Tzuyu smiled brokenly. **"Jihyo unnie broke up with me."**

Jeongyeon quickly stood up to go after the two girls who're in Nayeon's room but Tzuyu grabbed her hand. **"Unnie, please don't."**

Jeongyeon turned to her with an angered look. **"What do you mean don't? Jihyo broke up with you! She hurt you!"**

 **"No, she didn't!"** Tzuyu's outburst silenced the room. **"I broke her."** Tzuyu started crying, making Jeongyeon take her seat again.

 **"What do you mean you broke her?"** Dahyun's quiet voice asked.

Tzuyu looked up from crying and stared at Dahyun with begging eyes. **"Dahyun unnie, I'm sorry."**

The tension in the room rose.

 **"What are you so---"** At that time, Dahyun turned towards Sana who wore the same guilty look on Tzuyu's face and then it hit her.

That time when she saw Sana trapping Tzuyu in the bathroom, Sana's extra clingy behavior when she gets home from work, or at least Dahyun thought she was at work, and that advice her Jihyo unnie gave her a few days before.

Tears started to shine in Dahyun's eyes and Jeongyeon turned to her immediately when she heard her sniff. **"Dahyun, what's wrong? Why is Tzuyu's saying sorry to you?"**

Dahyun turned towards the older girl and flashed a small smile as the first tear rolled down from her eyes. **"Because they cheated on me. They both cheated on me and Jihyo unnie."**

Silence filled the room after what Dahyun said.

Jeongyeon turned towards Tzuyu who's full blown crying now, her face hiding behind her hands, then she turned to Sana who's looking at Dahyun with begging eyes.

Chaeyoung laughed humorlessly, trying to lift the mood. **"Dahyun, that's a nice joke. What's next?"**

 **"It isn't a joke, Chaeng."** Dahyun said, staring at nowhere as her tears kept falling from her eyes. **"You can ask them. At least this time, it'll be coming out of their own mouths."**

Chaeyoung turned to Tzuyu with pleading eyes, but the girl kept crying.

 **"It's true."** Sana confirmed silently. Momo stared at Sana with her mouth wide open, she couldn't believe what she just heard. She stood up and went to Dahyun who openly cried now that Sana confirmed what they've done. **"We did cheat on them."**

Chaeyoung couldn't take it anymore and stood up to go home, bringing a distressed Mina with her.

Jeongyeon just stood up and left, while Momo stayed with the crying Dahyun.

Dahyun laughed humorlessly, letting her tears fall from her eyes, staring at the ceiling, not minding the older girl beside her. **"I thought you being a flirt was just something you'd do just to get a reaction from me."**

She shook her head in disbelief. **"I never imagined that you'd cheat on me."**

Dahyun turned to Tzuyu. **"And with my best friend."**

 **"Dahyun, let's just---"** Momo tried to pull Dahyun away for fear that she might hurt the two, but the tofu girl stood on her place.

 **"No!"** Dahyun shrugged off Momo's hand., holding her hand up in a stop sign. **"I'm not leaving until I get to understand why they did this to me. To Jihyo unnie and I."**

Dahyun took a deep breath and composed herself, looking up and staring at Sana's bowed head. **"When did this started?"**

**“Dub---”**

**"Don't call me that!"** Dahyun screamed, pushing Momo who's trying to console her. She pointed at Sana with pained eyes full of hatred. **"You don't get to call me that anymore."**

 **"I asked you a question, Minatozaki Sana."** Dahyun said with conviction, not minding to wipe the tears falling freely from her eyes. When Sana didn't answer, Dahyun turned her attention on Tzuyu. **"Or do you want to make Tzuyu answer that?"**

Silence echoed in the room once more.

 **"Are you even going to give me an answer?"** Dahyun asked sarcastically, looking at them with shining eyes. Momo took a seat on the couch across from Tzuyu, just staring at the girl, looking for answers.

 **"Dahyun unnie, I'm so---"** Tzuyu tried to express her feelings but Dahyun cut her off.

 **"Stop it with the apologies!"** Dahyun exclaimed. **"I didn't ask for one!"**

 **"** **Dahyun ca---"** Momo tried to grab the tofu girl's arm but Dahyun shrugged her off again.

 **"Don't tell me to calm down Momo unnie!"** Dahyun faced the older girl.

**"You don't feel what I feel. I feel like I've been struck with darts thrown by the people I love. It hurt so much."**

After a while, Dahyun took a seat on the couch beside Momo, looking at Sana and Tzuyu with dull eyes.

**"So I'm guessing Jihyo unnie knows."**

Silence welcomed her once more.

 **"And she's been carrying this secret for a long time?"** Dahyun released a sigh of disbelief and looked up since tears started to well in her eyes again. But this time, not for her.

**"You didn't even have anything in you to confess to me or to say sorry to her just after she knew?"**

**"She caught us."** Tzuyu admitted.

 **"I'm guessing she said it was okay."** Dahyun nodded her head as she believed the image in her mind. Her Jihyo unnie catching Tzuyu and Sana on the act yet she still said it was okay. **"Figures. She's that kind of person."**

Dahyun finally had enough of the silent and the eyes and the pain. **"You know what? Fuck both of you. I don't want to see you both ever again and I don't want any of you in my life."** She ran away from the two, from her Momo unnie, from her wreck.

Momo waited until the door slammed shut before she faced the two. **"I just can't believe you've done something like this."**

Just the two left in Nayeon's shared apartment with Jeongyeon, Sana stared lifelessly on the floor as Tzuyu continued crying, finally realizing the hard consequences of their decisions.

The silence in the place was broken when a door creaked open and Nayeon and Jihyo stepped out of Nayeon's room, immediately bothered by the eerie quietness in the room.

Jihyo was then shocked to feel too familiar arms wrapping her in a hug, loud sobs echoing in her ear as her shirt began getting wet. Jihyo looked ahead and saw Sana staring at her, a defeated smile on her face as her eyes shined with unshed tears.

Jihyo heard a sigh from her side and then she felt someone pulling the person hugging her away from her. She felt the head hiding on the crook of her neck shaking rapidly. **"No! Please no."**

The stronger the pull, the tighter the hug.

The person adjusted her arms so that she can hug Jihyo tighter, nose pressing against the side of her neck, taking her chance to smell the calming scent of the older girl.

Nayeon sighed, stepping away from the once lovers. **"Tzuyu."**

Tzuyu shook her head. Jihyo looked at Nayeon and nodded her head. **"It's okay. Just...take Sana out for a walk or something. Talk to her."**

Nayeon nodded her head and approached the Japanese girl, pulling her up gently. After getting out of the way to let Nayeon take Sana for a walk, Jihyo just let Tzuyu take her time.

They stayed like that for a long time, Tzuyu hugging Jihyo and Jihyo just standing there, letting the tall girl do what she wants.

But after she blinked for one, she felt soft, wet lips attached to hers. Tzuyu moved her lips, her tears wetting Jihyo's face. She wanted Jihyo to feel that it was still her, that it was still Jihyo holding her heart, she wanted Jihyo to know that it was just a big mistake.

But Jihyo had already closed herself.

Jihyo didn't kiss back, but she didn't pull away. She stood there all frozen, letting Tzuyu kiss her.

When Tzuyu realized that there's no chance of Jihyo kissing back, she pulled away and rested her forehead against the older girl, her sobs racking her whole body.

 **"Unnie, please."** She begged with a hoarse voice.

**"Unnie, please let me fix this. Let me fix us. I promise I won't do it again. I'm sorry."**

Tzuyu wrapped her arms around Jihyo's waist, mentally wishing that she was back in the times where Jihyo would always reciprocate her hugs, rest her chin on Tzuyu's shoulder and just savor the embrace the two shares.

Jihyo raised her arms and wrapped it around Tzuyu's neck, making the younger girl pull her closer as she choked back a sob.

Two unsaid thoughts lingered in the silent room.

_"Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Jihyo?"_

_"It's now or never Chou Tzuyu."_

Tzuyu was about to open her mouth when she felt Jihyo's arms leaving her shoulders, hands pushing her just below her ribs, and then she saw those gorgeous orbs she once promised never to betray.

_**"There's nothing left to fix Tzuyu-ah."** _


	8. chapter eight : the start of new

The group didn't see each other for how many days, with Sana and Tzuyu taking their distances from the others, Mina and Chaeyoung using their time together rather than hanging out with their friends, Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo letting the others take their time, Momo searching for Dahyun and Dahyun going missing.

The others knew about Dahyun dropping down from the face of the Earth, and most of them understands why Dahyun decided to do that.

The most recipient of the impact of the revelation were Jihyo and Dahyun, and unlike Jihyo, who can act like she can take anything painful in this world, Dahyun doesn't know how to handle pain.

Especially from the people who she thought would protect her from it.

 **"Nayeon unnie, do you have any news about Dubu?"** Momo asked as the four of them, Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Momo and Jihyo, walked towards the cafeteria room. **"No news about her for the moment."**

Nayeon turned from her place and sent Momo a reassuring smile. **"Don't worry too much Momo. We all know Dahyun. She might be hurt but she's not one to do something bad to herself."**

The group entered the cafeteria that was mostly consisted of nervous, gawking freshmen and attention seeking sophomores (this is the time when students try their best to get noticed by someone, whether by their popular crush or the jocks and the cheerleaders) since some of the juniors and seniors tend to eat outside of campus.

Nayeon and Jihyo went straight towards the lunch line while Jeongyeon and Momo went searching for a vacant table. The two searchers froze when they saw two familiar faces sitting all alone on two separate tables, head hanging down as younger students passed by them, whisperings going around as to why the two never hung out with their group again.

Jihyo and her friends were quite popular in school, with the cheer captain Myoui Mina and the soccer player Son Chaeyoung, the lead actress of the most awaited upcoming play Im Nayeon and the resident girl crush Yoo Jeongyeon, the best dancer there is in school Hirai Momo and the most flexible gymnastic Kim Dahyun, the best singer in the school Park Jihyo, the intelligent Minatozaki Sana and the mysterious transferee Chou Tzuyu, their group was known to be the most popular yet most genuine and kind out of all the groups in school. (There was a poll, believe me.)

So it came as a big question mark when one random Monday morning, Tzuyu was seen entering the school all alone, her head bowed down, and the aura surrounding her was no joke. Then after a while she was followed by Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo walking silently, which is a big change since Jeongyeon never stayed silent in her whole life. Momo soon came after, alone just like Tzuyu, holding at her bag strap tightly, avoiding any contact. Mina and Chaeyoung came together, holding hands like they always do but with strange expressions on their faces. Sana was the last to arrive, just 8 minutes in before the first class started (which was totally not her since Sana disliked going to school late), her eyes all bloodshot and it was obvious that she didn't get any sleep.

Dahyun didn't attend school for three days.

 **"Jeongyeon unnie."** The said girl turned towards the raccoon, seeing Momo staring at Tzuyu who has her head resting on her arm, her body shaking since it's noticeable that she's crying. Silently crying.

 **"What are we supposed to do? Jihyo..."** At the mention of the girl's name, the two looked over where Nayeon and Jihyo were, their eyes meeting Jihyo's eyes like she's been watching them the whole time.

Jihyo smiled and nodded approvingly, as if she had read Jeongyeon and Momo's mind, as if she's saying it was okay, as if she's saying she's going to be okay.

Jeongyeon sighed and looked at Tzuyu and Sana again, this time seeing Sana looking back at them with shining eyes. Jeongyeon averted her eyes and turned towards Momo. **"Are you okay with getting Sana alone? Or do you want to go get them together?"**

 **"Let's just go together."** Momo said.

**"Tzuyu or Sana?"**

**"Does it matter?"** It's quite obvious that Momo is still...affected with what happened.

 **" Okay, let's go get Tzuyu first."** Jeongyeon and Momo waIked towards the unsuspecting maknae who still had her head bowed down.

 **"Tzuyu."** The Taiwanese looked up when she heard the familiar voice, eyes brimming tears when she saw her unnies standing in front of her. Jeongyeon gave her a small smile, not the ones she was used to. **"Come join us for lunch."**

Tzuyu wanted to, but she remembered the person she hurt. **"B-But..."**

 **"She's okay with it."** Momo interrupted her before she could utter a word.

Tzuyu broke down after hearing Momo's words. **"I don't deserve this."**

 **"We can't keep doing this Tzuyu. Ignoring each other and acting like it's okay."** Jeongyeon said, offering her had to Tzuyu. Tzuyu took it and stood up, pulling her unnie into a hug.

 **"I'm so sorry unnie."** She sobbed, pulling Jeongyeon closer, the older girl rubbing her back.

**"It'll be okay, Tzu."**

Jeongyeon looked at Momo. **"Can you get Sana alone?"**

 **"Okay."** Momo watched as Jeongyeon ushered a still sobbing Tzuyu towards an empty table, sitting beside the distressed girl. Momo sighed and walked towards Sana.

She stopped when she's already in front of the girl, her face contorting to a sad one as she saw the depressed state Sana was in. "Sana? Come join us for lunch."

Before Momo can see Sana's face, she heard hiccups coming from the blonde girl and when she looked at Sana's body, she was shaking. A lot.

Momo kneeled before Sana and pulled her into a hug, the younger Japanese's arms wrapping itself around Momo's neck as Sana hid her face on the crook of Momo's neck.

 **"I'm so sorry. Momo I'm so sorry."** Momo tried to calm the crying girl since she can tell that the Sana's starting to have difficulties with breathing. **"Shhh. Stop crying now, it's okay."**

 **"It's not!"** Sana sobbed, tightening the hold she had on Momo. **"I hurt you all. I'm so so sorry."**

Momo continued rubbing Sana's back as the younger girl gradually calmed down on her own. " **Are you okay now? Can you come with me now?"**

Sana raised her head from where it hid, blinking her eyes as she tried to clear her sight. Together with Momo, they both looked at the table where Jeongyeon and the others sat, seeing Jihyo sitting beside Nayeon who's talking to Jeongyeon, Tzuyu sitting idly by Jeongyeon's side.

Sana turned to Momo with fear written on her eyes. **"Momo, I can't do this. I don't deserve this."**

Momo stared at Sana's eyes and then turned towards the table again, seeing Jihyo looking at them, the same smile pasted on her face. Momo turned again towards Sana and smiled. **"It's okay. She understands."**

Sana shook her head. **"That's the thing Momo. She always does. She always chooses to understand and give way even though she knows it'll hurt her inside. Jihyo never thinks of herself, that's the ugly truth about her and somehow that will end her."**

Sana laughed humorlessly and slumped back on the back of her seat, staring far. **"She's supposed to be mad. She's supposed to be cursing us, she's supposed to be like Dahyun, sh---"**

 **"But she's not."** Momo interrupted the blonde. **"Jihyo knows what she's doing. Jihyo knows everything about what she does. She's not the kind of person who acts before thinking."**

 **"So if she decided to ask you join us for lunch, you should know that she had thought about this and she really wants you to join us. It's sincere."** Momo stood up and offered her hand. **"Now it's up to you. Are you going to accept the offer?"**

 **"Have you heard anything about Dahyun?"** Everything turned cold in a snap of a finger. Momo retreated her hand back to her side, her warm smile slowly disappearing as her sharp eyes never left Sana's face. **"No."**

 **"I'm sorry for asking."** Sana bowed her head in shame. Momo shook her head. **"It's fine."**

 **"Dahyun's still a sore topic to yo---"** Sana fiddled with her hands as she nervously tried to bring Dahyun as a topic to know anything about the girl but Momo stopped her from saying what she wanted to say. **"Yes. Of course she is. She's my friend Sana."**

Sana spoke after a few minutes. **"You can say it."**

The blonde girl looked up and stared at Momo's hardened eyes, trying not to back down. **"I know you never really lost those feelings you have for Dahyun."**

Sana smiled painfully. **"I know Momo."**

Momo shook her head and spoke. **"That's different from how I'm acting. I'm acting like this because you hurt her. You hurt Dahyun, Sana. Do you get that?"**

**"I know. And I'm sorry."**

**"I know you are. But it still hurts. Even to us."**

**"But do you know what hurts the most?"** Momo stared at Sana's bowed head. **"You made a promise to the most important person in Dahyun's life."**

**"How come you forgot her words Sana? How come you forgot the promise you made to her? How come you forgot the words she said?"**

_**"A person who values you would never put themselves in a position to lose you."** _

**"Those were Grandma Kim's words. You were there when she said that."**

Sana nodded sadly. **"I'm an idiot."**

**"No you're not. You're a ch---"**

**"Hey."** Jeongyeon appeared behind Momo, looking at them with a frowned look. **"Are you guys fighting?"** The older girl questioned the two.

Momo rubbed her black jeans as she faced Jeongyeon and answered the older girl. **"No, we're not."**

Jeongyeon nodded slowly, and then turned to the blonde Japanese. **"So Sana..."** The older girl raised her eyebrows. **"Are you going to join us?"**

**"I feel like I shouldn't."**

**"Then what you're feeling is wrong."** Jeongyeon smiled.

**"She wants you to join us."**

Sana took a deep breath and made her decision by accepting Jeongyeon's hand, a small smile now gracing her saddened face.

Jeongyeon cheered internally when she felt Sana's hand grasping her, the feeling of finally having everything back to normal starting to flow through her veins.

Momo, who quickly went back to their table when Jeongyeon approached her and Sana, watched with the others as the two finally made their way towards them, Sana letting Jeongyeon guide her as she kept her head low, not having the guts to look at anyone.

Even when they finally arrived in front of the table, the blonde still kept her head down, not until she saw a pair of sandals in front of her. Jeongyeon let go of her hand and went to her seat next to Nayeon.

 _"Too familiar sandals."_ Sana thought.

She felt hands cupping her cheeks, and tears quickly filled her eyes when she realize whose hands were cupping her face.

She visibly shook when she saw Jihyo's smiling face greeting her, pain nor betrayal not even painted on the younger's face.

 **"It's okay Sana."** The said girl sobbed as Jihyo pulled her in a hug. The younger rubbed the older girl's back, letting the blonde release her emotions. **"I'm so sorry Jihyo. I'm so so sorry."**

 **"It's okay Sana. It's already done, there's nothing we can do about it now."** Somehow, Jihyo's words pierced through Tzuyu's heart.

 _"There's nothing we can do about now?"_ Tzuyu repeated the words in her head. _"Sh_ _e's never going to forgive me?"_

 **"No, please."** Sana begged, pulling herself away from the hug, looking at Jihyo's forever understanding eyes. **"Let me fix this. I'm responsible for this, let me make up for what I did."**

Jihyo shook her head no, the smile still displayed on her face. **"It's already done. Nothing can change it now. Let's just move forward, okay?"**

 **"No, you have to let me make up for this, it doesn't work that way. You need to make me work for your forgi---"** Jihyo cut Sana's rambling.

 **"Sana."** Jihyo held the blonde on both shoulders, looking straight at Sana's eyes. **"I just want you to be sorry. And right now, I can tell that you are. That's enough for me."**

Jihyo smiled, rubbing Sana's arms. **"Now let's go and enjoy our lunch together, okay? You don't have to worry about Mina and Chaeyoung. They'll come around soon."** Jihyo pulled Sana towards Momo and made her take a seat beside the raccoon.

Jeongyeon moved from her seat and sat across from Nayeon, Jihyo sitting between Tzuyu and Nayeon.


	9. chapter nine : the masochist of the world

They start eating and the conversations come easily, for everyone except one.

Jihyo turned and looked at Tzuyu who's not really eating her food, eyes staring lifelessly on her plate as she absentmindedly stabbed her food with her fork. Jihyo continued to look at her with a worried look before she took it upon herself and gently grabbed Tzuyu's hand.

Tzuyu looked at her hand when she felt something grabbed it, and when she looked up, she's met with Jihyo's worried gaze.

 **"Are you okay?"** The older girl asked.

 _"_ No, _I'm not okay."_ Tzuyu answered in her head as she continued to gaze at Jihyo's face. _"I_ _missed you so much unnie. It's been hell for me. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me unnie. Take me back. I need you."_

Tzuyu managed to put on a smile. **"Yeah, I'm okay unnie."**

Jihyo knew the girl was far from fine, but she didn't want to push the girl to tell her so she nodded.

She tried to pull her hand away but Tzuyu's grip on it tightened.

 **"C-Can we stay like this?"** Tzuyu asked quietly, her eyes roaming everywhere except at Jihyo's eyes.

 _"You're hurting yourself again Jihyo. Don't do this yourself. Pull your hand away."_ Jihyo's mind scolded her once again.

Tzuyu took Jihyo's quietness as a no, so she slowly released the hand but to her surprise, Jihyo held on.

" _You're an idiot, Jihyo."_

Jihyo didn't voice out her answer to Tzuyu's question, but it's pretty obvious what her answer was.

They stayed like that, hands intertwined on Jihyo's lap, a smile on Tzuyu's face while Jihyo acted normal. Nayeon saw a glimpse of the hands, and looked up to see Jihyo looking at her.

Nayeon leaned towards the younger girl and whispered to her ear. **"You're hurting yourself by doing this Jihyo."**

Jihyo could only smile in return.


	10. chapter ten : fall once more

After lunch, the girls had to attend their last two classes. Momo, Sana and Jeongyeon shared the same class while Nayeon's classroom was the same way with the three, Jihyo having her classes at the other building.

Tzuyu offered to accompany Jihyo to her class, and with a nod from Jihyo, the four older girls went on their way. Tzuyu walked with Jihyo as they crossed the campus, both of their arms crossed on their chests even though Tzuyu wanted to hold Jihyo's hand.

Tzuyu realized that they were kind of back at square one. It was like they were back at the beginning. They knew that they both harbor feelings for each other but no one is making the move.

But then she realized again that it might feel like it was back at the beginning, but it's far from how the beginning was.

She hurt Jihyo. That's one. She didn't hurt Jihyo before, but she did now, and that's a big change in their relationship.

**"Jihyo unnie."**

**"Hmm?"**

**"ls there still a chance?"**

**"Please. I need to know."**

**"Tzuyu, it's better if y---"**

**"No it's not unnie. Don't tell me that it's better off if we just let things go. If we love someone, we should fight for them, we shouldn't let them go if we know that they're the o---"**

**"Am I the one for you then, Tzuyu?"** Jihyo stopped walking and turned to look at Tzuyu.

 **"Yes. Yes you are unnie."** Jihyo chuckled and then bowed her head.

**"If I was the one then, how come you did things that made me decide to let you go?"**

**"Tzuyu do you think that it was that easy to come to a decision to break up with you?"** Jihyo asked the younger girl. **"Especially when I was put on the spot when I caught you and Sana on the act?"**

**"This is what you wanted, right? For me to finally burst about what happened."**

Jihyo took a deep breath. **"It still hurts here."** Jihyo jabbed at her heart hard, so hard that Tzuyu wanted to stop her but she wanted Jihyo to finally say her kept thoughts. **"It hurts so much."**

Jihyo stopped for a moment and bowed down, trying to stop her tears. **"Hearing your name, seeing things that remind me of you, seeing you, it makes me remember and my heart aches so much to the point that I have to keep myself occupied so that I won't remember."**

**"Because every time I remember, I remember that particular moment when I saw you with Sana."**

**"The moment where you both smiled at each other and that smile you gave her was a smile** **you never gave to me. It was a one of a kind smile that I never saw before. And then your eyes shined the way it shined when you looked at me before. "**

 **"It made me feel like I failed. Like I failed your mom. Failed you. Failed myself."** Jihyo looked up and Tzuyu saw the tears streaming down the older girl's face.

 **"Wh-What do you mean you failed my mom?"** Tzuyu asked as she faltered at the mention of her mom.

 **"Auntie made me promise two things."** Jihyo wiped the tears falling from her eyes with her shaking hands. **"She told me to give you the things that make you happy and to love you."**

Jihyo sobbed. **"And I know that I'll never love anyone that isn't you. I know I'll spend my whole life loving you. I'll never want anyone as much** **as I want you."**

 _**"But how can I make you happy when it was clear that I wasn't your happiness anymore?** _ _**That it wasn't me that was making you smile so wide that your eyes almost disappear? That it wasn't me that's making you laugh so loud and freely?"** _

**"Unnie, it was a mistake. I was wrong, I'm sorry. It's always you. It has always been you."**

**"But if it was always me, wouldn't this thing never exist in the first place, Tzuyu?"**

Realizing that they were taking too long and her phone kept ringing, Jihyo stepped back and looked up to see a guilt faced Tzuyu looking at her.

**"It's getting late. The tardy bell will ring any minute. Get back to your class Tzuyu."**

Jihyo turned away from the younger girl and started walking, but then she felt someone pulling her back, hands on her arms pulling her closer, something hitting a wall, and lips attaching on hers.

She stared at Tzuyu's closed eyes as the younger girl gave her everything in the kiss, and Jihyo didn't fight it anymore, she closed her eyes too and reluctantly kissed back.

Tzuyu, feeling the older girl finally kissing her back, pulled the girl closer, wrapping her arms on Jihyo's torso, tilting her head a bit to make the kiss deeper.

But she didn't push her luck.

She pulled away before the kiss could get anymore steamier, and she stared at Jihyo's broken eyes, foreheads resting on each other.

 **"I'll work for your forgiveness. I won't stop Jihyo unnie."** She caressed the girl's face with her hands, missing the warmth coming from the older girl's soft skin.

**"I won't give up on you. I won't give up on us. I love you unnie. You're the only person I want to live my life with. It was all a mistake. It's you."**

The younger girl put a searing kiss on Jihyo's lips before going on her way, leaving the older girl all alone in the hallway, just a few steps from her classroom.

Jihyo rested her back on the wall and fell down on the floor, the unbearable pain making its way in her heart again.

 _ **"l love you unnie."**_ Tzuyu's words echoed and resonated in her mind, yet it brought pain in her heart.

Wasn't I love you's supposed to bring happiness and joy to a person when their significant one says it to them? How come Jihyo feels pain and loneliness when she heard those words leave the younger girl's mouth?

 **"Don't do this Tzuyu."** Jihyo begged.


	11. chapter eleven : aphrodite's warning

Tzuyu was in her classroom, sitting quietly on her designated seat while scrolling through her phone when she heard someone knocking on the open door. She looked up from her seat at the back to see Jeongyeon already looking at her, a serious look set on her face.

The ostrich girl gestured for Tzuyu to step out for a moment and since the teacher wasn't in class yet, Tzuyu obliged. She stood up and walked towards the older and followed her out in the hallway.

Jeongyeon turned to her. **"Look Tzuyu, I don't like meddling on anyone's business, especially if it doesn't concern me, but I can't turn my eyes away from this."**

Tzuyu raised her eyebrows at her unnie, confused. **"What is it unnie?"**

Jeongyeon straightened her back before asking the question she's been meaning to ask the younger girl ever since she got to school. **"What happened when you accompanied Jihyo to her class yesterday?"**

Tzuyu stepped back a bit, feeling a bit alarmed. **"Why?"**

**"When we fetch her from her grandma's house today, her eyes were swollen and she wasn't in the mood."**

**"What happened to her unnie?"**

Jeongyeon shrugged, keeping her hands behind her back. **"You tell me Tzuyu."**

Tzuyu hesitated for a bit. **"Nothing. I just told her some things."**

 **"Tzuyu,"** Jeongyeon touched her forehead and closed her eyes. **"Whatever plan it is that's currently being formed in your head, you need to stop it now."**

**"Just give Jihyo some time. Don't pressure her too mu---"**

Tzuyu frowned and looked at her unnie. **"I'm not going to stop."** Tzuyu stood with her promise to herself.

 **"Tzuyu."** Jeongyeon called the girl with her stern voice but the girl didn't falter. **"No unnie, I've waited way to long t---"**

 **"Waited way too long? Tzuyu, it hasn't even been a month! Do you think a broken heart heals that fast? Or do you think her heart wasn't broken at the first place just because she's acting fine?"** Jeongyeon caught herself when she realized that she's been raising her voice.

She sighed loudly and took a deep breath, returning her gaze on Tzuyu when she's finally calmed down. **"Don't come near Jihyo for the moment."**

**"What? Why should l?"**

**"Just because. It's for your own good and the others."**

**"No, you have to tell me why. Why do I have to avoid Jihyo unnie when I just told her that I'll be working hard to get her to trust me again?"** Jeongyeon stepped back when she heard Tzuyu's words, her face falling as she stuttered her way in to a question. **"Y-You did what?"**

**"I told her that I'm not going to let her go."**

This time, the older girl couldn't stop herself from cupping her forehead as she removed her eyes from the younger girl once again. **"Tzuyu, I thought you understood me when I said to you before to not do anything about the situation."**

 **"Unnie, just please don't get yourself involved in this, okay? I'm going to fix everything on my own, I promise."** Tzuyu then left her unnie in the hallway until she stopped when she heard Jeongyeon asking her something.

 _ **"What if you ruin everything instead?"**_ Jeongyeon's defeated tone echoed in the hallway as Tzuyu left her unanswered.


	12. chapter twelve : the hamster's curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reasons Part 1

Sana will never love anyone as much as she loves Dahyun. She's been pining over that oblivious girl for 8 years until that accident where she finally got herself to confess to the girl. Dahyun will always be the most important person in Sana's life.

She often told herself when she was young that if she ever had the chance to show Dahyun to the world, she would. She would brag about the tofu girl and she won't stop until saliva runs out from her mouth.

She promised herself when she was young that if she ever had the chance to be with Dahyun, she'll never do anything to hurt the girl. She knows more about Dahyun than Dahyun herself. She knows that Dahyun always drinks from her water bottle every time a class ends.

She knows Dahyun doesn't like stepping on the lines of the tiles on the hallway. She knows Dahyun silently cried whenever she goes for a bathroom break when their group stays in Nayeon's apartment to watch a sappy drama movie.

She knows a lot.

She knows Dahyun hides everything she feels under her blinding smile, she knows Dahyun cries when no one's around, she knows Dahyun bottles up things for herself in fear to be a burden for everyone.

Because she was there.

She was there when Dahyun completely broke out of her shell. She was there when Dahyun's tears were finally introduced to everyone. She was there when coughing was echoing in the silent room, she was there...

She was there when the most important person in Dahyun's life took her final breath with a soft smile on her face, the image of her granddaughter glued to her mind as darkness succumbed her.

She was there when Dahyun cried herself to the point where she fell asleep clinging on her for dear life, she was there when her other friends, finally let their tears fall, she was there when the words of the deceased woman echoed in her mind.

**_"A PERSON WHO VALUES YOU WOULD NEVER PUT THEMSELVES IN A POSITION_ TO LOSE YOU."**

And she thought that she wouldn't have to worry about losing Dahyun. Because Dahyun was her life. Dahyun makes her smile, Dahyun makes her happy, Dahyun makes her excited, Dahyun makes her sad, Dahyun makes her angry, Dahyun makes her feel everything a human being needs to feel.

But subconciously.

She didn't know that it wasn't enough.

If there was anything that could describe Sana, it would be curious. She's like an explorer, an adventurer, she never gets satisfied with anything she learns so she thrives more to learn about something or explore something.

Her mind always overdrives when she learns something new, making her want to know something more. At first, she thought it was a nice trait, but she didn't know it would bring her to where she is now.

Curiosity often leads people to bad situation, and Sana did land herself on a bad situation.

Her urge to know always sends her in a spiral of curiousness, so when Tzuyu cornered her in a bathroom stall at a restaurant and kissed her, she found herself wrapping her own around Tzuyu's neck.

She didn't know why she didn't stop.

She didn't know why she never felt anything throughout all the extent of the affair.

Not until she saw Jihyo staring at them from the doorway of her bedroom.

Curiosity killed the hamster right there and then.


	13. chapter thirteen : the puppy's trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reasons Part 2

Tzuyu had been scarred all her life.

When she was five, she saw how her grandfather died right before her eyes as the speeding car drove away. Her mom told her that it wasn't her fault, but she knew deep inside she was blaming herself.

When she was twelve, she saw how the sharp shiny knife disappeared in her father's chest as the thief started to pull his gun, his eyes directly looking at her.

She heard how the gun made its sound, and she had waited for something to be embedded in her but when she opened her eyes, she saw her father's eyes. His eyes that held sadness and happiness all at the same time.

She remembered how her father never shed a tear, he only held her cheeks as he told her how much he appreciated her.

She saw how her father tried not to show any pain on his face and she saw how the light in his eyes slowly disappeared just as she heard the sirens of the police and ambulance nearing their house.

She endured living the nightmare that was her father's death, and sometimes she wished that she'd never have to sleep, because every time she closed her eyes, she can see her father's wistful smile, she can feel him slowly getting limp on her lap, she can feel his body taking his last breaths before settling his lifeless eyes on her that still haunts her until today.

But nothing broke her as much as her mother's death.

Her mother was there for her when she lost her grandfather, she was also there when she lost her father. She was there to hold her when she thought that her tears were her only companion for the nights that came.

She was there to tell her that it wasn't her fault when she blamed herself numerous of times. She was there to keep her trapped in her embrace when she remembered her father. She was there.

She was there.

But then three words made her fade in her sight.

 _ **"I have cancer."**_ The older woman said to the then 18 year old Tzuyu who just got home from school.

Tzuyu can remember clearly how she dropped the box of donuts she bought for her mom when she was walking home. Tzuyu can remember how her ears rang and how there was nothing in her mind but one thing. 

_"She's going to leave me too."_

Tzuyu wanted to run away when those words left her mother's mouth. She thought that if she did, she would get to avoid being left alone. She thought that if she did, her mother won't leave her.

But she didn't.

Because she knows that this is reality.

Every problem, ever worry she has won't disappear just because she ran away. And so she stayed.

She always knew her mother was weak, her father always told her to take care of her mother when he went to work. She always heard her cough and her mom would keep herself in her bed for almost the whole day.

She was always worried about her mom, but she never thought that her mom was this sick.

She didn't know that it'll get this bad.

She didn't know that the sickness her mom endured ever since she was young, would take her the time Tzuyu needed her the most.

Tzuyu stayed by her mother's side as she tried to fight her losing battle, she saw how her mother suffered, she saw how blood poured out of her own mother's mouth, she saw how the hope in her mother's eyes dimmed when the doctor told them the sad news regarding about her mother's depleting health, she saw how her mother cried when she thought that she wasn't in the hospital anymore, she saw how her mother lost all hope.

And it completely broke her.

And then that day came.

The day she feared the worst.

It started out great actually, Jihyo and the other girls were visiting her mother first thing in the morning, and she watched them from the couch in the room, a smile on her face as Jeongyeon kept telling her mom that she's still the most beautiful out of all the girls in the room even if she didn't have any hair anymore. The time passed by quickly and the girls decided to get food since it was already lunch.

Jihyo insisted to keep Tzuyu company as she watched her mother.

And then.

Beep.

Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Tzuyu bolted off of the couch and to her mother's side, kneeling as she looked at her mother's eyes that were already glistening.

Tzuyu grabbed her mother's hand, that was very very cold. **"I'll call the doctor, mom. Stay still, o-okay?''** Her mom managed to slip a smile and nodded. With that promise, Tzuyu bolted out of the door, leaving her mom with her unnie.

She passed through the empty hallways, and it was weird since she couldn't see any staff anywhere she ran through the halls with her tears spilling out of her eyes, shouting for anyone to come and help her mom.

She ran and ran until she found herself standing before a small chapel inside the hospital.

She went inside, collapsed on the floor and sobbed, her hair framing her face and her hands hiding her face.

 **"Not yet please."** She begged. She can't handle losing anyone anymore.

 **"Please don't take her away from me, she's all that I have."** She sobbed.

And for once, Tzuyu considered giving up.

She sat on the floor and hugged her knees up to her chest, keeping her head down as she sobbed.

**"What did I do to make you take everyone I loved from me?"**

A pat on her shoulder pulled her head upwards. A doctor flashed her a small smile. **"I was passing through and I heard you crying. Come on. Let's go to your mom."**

Tzuyu saw that as a sign of hope. Maybe, it's still not too late. Maybe she can still have her chance.

But she lost all of it when she heard Jihyo's sobs echoing through the room.

She lost her.

Ever since that day, Tzuyu held up her walls, not letting anyone in. Not letting anyone see how torn her trust was, how broken she was inside. She might have pursued her long time feelings for Jihyo, but the big secret was she never really let anyone know about her trust issues.

Jihyo didn't know about how Tzuyu always had that fear that she wouldn't be coming back every time she stepped out of that door, Jihyo never knew that Tzuyu always threw daggers at anyone who so much as glanced at Jihyo whenever they were spending their time together outside.

Jihyo never knew that Tzuyu always had that crippling feeling of dying whenever she doesn't get to  
see her.

So when Jihyo told her that she'd try running for Supreme Student Council, that crippling feeling made itself comfortable in that small space in her heart.

She started seeing Jihyo less and less, and she always had that small voice whispering beside her ear, the haunting words 'she'll leave you too' circling in her mind.

And Tzuyu was tired of only having to feel the pain.

So she thought of the worst.

As much as she loved the girl, her darker side still reigns over her whole body as the trauma and the memories started to fill in.

_Leave._

_Abandon._

_Forget._

_Alone._

Those words did nothing but hurt her, those words only helped her dug herself her own grave.

And so she thought.

_"If she ever does something that might hurt me, I should also do something that can hurt her back."_

And that was only a thought.

At first.

But then Jihyo started to get busy with everything she needed to prepare, and Tzuyu went on her spiral towards the darkness as one word marked her mind.

Hurt.

What she didn't know was that Jihyo wouldn't do anything that can hurt her.

That was her mistake.

Letting herself be ruled over by her trauma, dark side and self pity.

And now she pays for the price.


	14. chapter fourteen : the last cry of the samaritan

Tzuyu woke up with the same determination on her mind. She got up from her bed and looked around the room, noticing how the place looked empty ever since Jihyo left.

 _"Don't worry."_ She smiled. _"She'll be coming home soon enough."_

Tzuyu for herself ready for school, feeling giddy as she think of Jihyo finally coming back home with her. She skipped out of the apartment and rode her bike to school, seeing Jihyo's back entering the school gates. She stopped just beside Jihyo and greeted the only girl.

**"Hi unnie."**

Jihyo turned and saw Tzuyu's blinding smile, returning back a fake one as she felt something drop from her heart again. Just like those other days, just like those times Tzuyu smiled at her like nothing ever happened.

Something in her ached every time she saw Tzuyu. Somehow in her just...hurt every time she saw the person she vowed to love until she gives her last breath. It's like, she's feeling the total opposite of what she's supposed to feel.

That instead of excitement, or happiness, she only feels...pain...and emptiness.

But she doesn't speak of it.

Because why would she?

 **"Hi Tzuyu."** The older girl greeted the younger, making a smile stretch on Tzuyu's face. Tzuyu then continued pedaling towards the bike rack, getting off of her bike as soon as she arrived, locking her bike after.

She jogged towards Jihyo and walked along with her, a beaming smile on her face. **"** **How's your day so far?"** She asked the older girl.

Jihyo looked away and shrugged. **"Pretty normal. Besides, the day hasn't even started yet."**

Tzuyu nodded as a wider smile appeared on her face. **"True."**

Jihyo turned to her. **"** **What about you?"**

 **"This day started out fine."** Tzuyu turned her gaze towards the older. **"because I've got you in it now."**

Tzuyu laughed at her cheesiness, while Jihyo only looked somewhere and released a forced chuckle.

It pained her.

 **"Let's just try to get to our own classes, shall we?"** Tzuyu noticed her unnie's avoidance about the topic of them, and it hurt her. But she tried not to let it get her down.

Tzuyu smiled and silently grabbed Jihyo's bag, flashing the older girl a wink when Jihyo turned to look at her. They walked in silence as Tzuyu accompanied Jihyo to her first class, their hands dangling just beside each other.

Jihyo hoped that Tzuyu won't take the courage and stop herself from holding her hand.

Tzuyu hoped for the opposite.

If there was anything she wanted to do, it would be to hold Jihyo's hands forever.

But she didn't know what she does to Jihyo.

She didn't know that it kills Jihyo when she touches her.

Tzuyu grabbed Jihyo's hand.

Jihyo wished she could disappear now.

**"Unnie, can I do this? Will you let me?"**

Jihyo wanted to say no. Jihyo wanted to pull her handle away and curse the younger girl for acting like she never did anything wrong. Jihyo wanted to tell her to stop acting like she's wooing her because she did a small, petty mistake.

No.

It wasn't just a small mistake.

It was a huge mistake.

And the biggest mistake of Tzuyu was that it was a choice.

She chose to cheat.

She chose to break Jihyo's heart.

But what can Jihyo do?

She's not the kind of person to hold a grudge, she doesn't retaliate.

So she nodded.

Because she can't hurt Tzuyu in any way even though Tzuyu caused her pain in the most horrible way.

Tzuyu's happiness skyrocketed when her unnie gave her permission to hold her hand.

_"Maybe she's finally forgiving me."_

At the thought of that, a huge smile grew on Tzuyu's face.

The two finally reached Jihyo's classroom, and Tzuyu said her goodbye with a peck on Jihyo's cheek, skipping away while giggling like a school girl.

Jihyo could only watch the girl leave happily, a pained smile on her face.

_**"At least she's happy."**_

_How about you? Don't you deserve to be happy?"_ A voice in her head spoke. _"Don't you owe it to yourself to make things right? Say what you actually want to say?"_

Jihyo shook her head. _**"It's not that easy. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to make her feel what I felt."**_

_"You're not going to do it intentionally. Just for once, Jihyo, put yourself first. You're hurting in her expense."_

_**"I don't have it in me. I can't tell her. I don't want her to get hurt."** _

_"But you're hurting yourself instead by not telling her that you don't want her anymore."_

Jihyo suddenly froze.

_**"W-Where did you get that? Of course I still want her!"** _

_"Don't lie to yourself Jihyo."_

_**"I'm not. I do really want her."**_

_"You're in love with her yet pain is all you feel when you're with her. Isn't that enough proof for you? You can be in love with someone yet not want them Jihyo. Don't invalidate what you feel just because you're too scared to hurt other people."_

Jihyo went inside her class and walked towards her seat, not minding her noisy classmates. As she settled herself on her chair, someone tapped her on her shoulder.

She looked and saw Jisoo standing nervously behind her, her eyes quivering as it turned from one place to another, not really settling on one place.

 **"Can I talk to you Jihyo?"** Noticing the girl's weak voice and how she acts, Jihyo nodded firmly.

She stood up and left the room with Jisoo leading the way and Jihyo found them walking towards the garden.

Jisoo made sure that no one was present before she engulfed the girl in a tight hug, a sob coming out of her mouth when she finally had the girl in her arms. Jihyo frowned first before hugging the crying girl back.

Kim Jisoo wasn't a stranger to Park Jihyo. She was a close cousin of hers, their mothers being sisters. Jisoo was an only child like Jihyo, but they were both polar opposites. Jisoo grew up being friendly and social, while Jihyo kept to herself and stayed quiet but not until she went to that family reunion when she was 8. She kind of met that bubbly kid with a 3D personality who won't stop shouting _"yahoo"_ with her helium voice in that family reunion. She could remember the blinding smile the girl had before offering her hand at a still wary Jihyo, she could remember the way her mom's eyes lit up when she looked at her for a split second before an excited Jisoo pulled her towards their grandma's kitchen that was apparently filled with foods. From then on, Jihyo couldn't call herself a loner or a quiet person since Jisoo would always pop out at random times in random places.

To be honest, Jisoo was actually the reason why Jihyo has her friends now. She met Nayeon through Jisoo, and Jeongyeon was already Nayeon's girlfriend at that time and they have their maknae friend named Chaeyoung who has a Japanese girlfriend that has the name Mina who have her own Japanese friends named Sana and Momo. Tzuyu was the last person she met in her circle of friends.

The feeling of not being able to breathe pulled her out of her melancholy reverie. **"Unnie, I-I can't bre-breathe."**

Arms immediately flew away from her, but the sobs weren't disappearing. Jihyo looked up and saw her unnie's raw and swollen eyes, her hands cupping her mouth as she tries to suppress her cries.

**"What's wrong unnie? Why are you crying? Are you alright? Did you have a fight with Chaeyoung?"**

Jisoo shook her head and took steps towards her cousin, grabbing Jihyo by her arms. **"I know."**

Jihyo frowned. **"Know what unnie?"**

**"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry that you're hurting like this. I'm so sorry that I failed to protect you Jihyo."**

Jihyo shuddered as she felt the fear crawl in her skin. **"P-Protect me from what?"**

One gaze at Jisoo's eyes, she finally got what the older girl was saying.

Jihyo shook her head and bowed her head, keeping her eyes shut. No. She's not going to cry again.

Not in front of her unnie.

Jisoo pulled her in and wrapped her arms around the girl, letting her feel that she has her. **"Let it out. Don't keep it in Jihyo. That's bad for you."**

Jisoo rubbed the younger girl's back, pressing kisses on her hair. **"I'm here. Unnie's here. You can cry. You don't have to hide anything from me. You can tell me everything."**

Maybe it was because of Jisoo's comforting words, or maybe it was because of how long she endured the pain, either way, Jihyo finally poured all of her pain, her sufferings through the big beads of tears that fell from her face as she hugged her unnie tightly.

Jisoo stayed still as Jihyo cried everything she kept for a whole month. **"You've been very strong Jihyo. I'm so proud of you."** Jisoo whispered in her ear as she caressed Jihyo's hair with her hands, the words affecting Jihyo and making her cry more.

 **"I w-want i-it t-t-to s-stop. Un-Unnie, it h-hurts so b-bad."** Jihyo rested her forehead on Jisoo's chest as she continued sobbing, the pain spreading from her heart to her whole body.

**"Then end it Jihyo."**

Tzuyu and the other girls never saw Jihyo enter the cafeteria that day.


	15. chapter fifteen : the last lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the epilogue

Tzuyu was waiting for her friends in the cafeteria when she heard the loud banging of the cafeteria doors hitting the wall. She turned around and looked, seeing a fuming Jeongyeon sprinting towards her, a crying Nayeon hot on her trail. Fear slowly settled in as she realized that the older girl's flaming eyes were directed to her. She slowly stood up, waiting for her unnie to reach her. Based on Jeongyeon's look, she expected the older girl to yell at her for whatever reason she had. She expected the older girl to burst.

But it never happened. Jeongyeon didn't burst nor yelled at her.

She did worse.

She grabbed Tzuyu by her shirt and dragged her out of the cafeteria, Nayeon still following them, her sobs wracking through her body yet Jeongyeon never even spared her a glance.

There and then Tzuyu knew it was serious. That whatever it was that made Jeongyeon just boldly drag her out of the cafeteria was dead serious because if there was one thing that Jeongyeon hated, it was attention. She hated to be the star of the scene yet she didn't even bat an eye when the whole cafeteria watched as she dragged Tzuyu out. And another thing was that there's nothing that can take Jeongyeon's attention away from Nayeon when the older girl cries. But now, Tzuyu thinks that Jeongyeon didn't even know that her girlfriend was crying.

 **"Where is Jihyo?"** Jeongyeon finally spoke when they reached the playground. It was the perfect place to talk about things that you don't want people to know.

 **"Probably on the way to the cafeteria to eat with us? What's wrong Jeongyeon unnie? Why are you acting like this?"** Jeongyeon started walking back and forth, her index finger and thumb pinching the bridge of her nose.

 **"She never went to school, Tzuyu."** Nayeon informed the younger from the swings.

Tzuyu turned her head towards Nayeon's direction, her eyes boring holes on Nayeon's bowed head.

She took huge steps towards the older girl and kneeled in front of her, putting her hands on Nayeon's knees, looking up at Nayeon's already swollen eyes. **"Unnie, what do you mean she never went to school? She has to. It's her day today."**

Today is the day Jihyo is supposed to perform in front of the whole student body after winning the inter-level singing competition last month. It was set before the last period, and Tzuyu was really looking forward to watching her angel sing in front of her. If there was anything she loved about Jihyo, it was her passion for singing and how she's so determined to prove to everyone that she has her talents. Tzuyu never doubted her. She knew the girl will shine someday.

 **"We went to her house earlier today."** Nayeon told the taller girl, wiping her tears away with her thumbs as the sound of Jeongyeon pacing around still made its way in their ears. **"Jeongyeon and I were going to pick her up and we were already at her house when her grandma said that Jihyo won't be able to come to school with us."**

 **"How did you know that she didn't go to school?"** Tzuyu questioned.

 **"We tried to look for her a bit between first and second period but her teachers said that she never showed up."** Nayeon replied, looking at Tzuyu with sad eyes.

 **"This was your fault."** Tzuyu turned towards the standing girl, seeing her bleary eyes staring right through her. For some reason, Tzuyu couldn't ask why. She just can't.

 **"If you didn't push her, this wouldn't have happened."** Jeongyeon continued, glaring at Tzuyu from her place.

 **"What do you mean this wouldn't have happened? Unnie, she just didn't go to school, it's not the end of the world. Don't complicate this. It's just a simple thing."** Tzuyu's trying to look at the brighter side of things this time, quite surprising for her since she's not the optimistic kind of person, but in this case, she didn't have a choice. She couldn't look at the darker side because she knows she can't take it.

Jeongyeon chuckled bitterly. **"Don't play dumb Tzuyu. I can see right through you. You know and understand that this is just more than a simple thing. Jihyo isn't a simple thing. What's happening now...is not just a simple thing."** Jeongyeon wiped the first tear that fell from her eye. **"She's gone."**

Tzuyu hated that word. She hated it so much that she flew from where she was to Jeongyeon's direction with just one blink of an eye, her hands gripping on Jeongyeon's shirt.

She never knew she could do this. Grabbing her friend that is almost like as sister to her by her shirt like she was just a stranger she's picking fights with, and it hurt.

 **"N-No."** Tzuyu faltered, the thought of Jeongyeon's words coming to life was her living nightmare. She tightened her grip on her unnie's shirt, feeling someone grabbing her back but she didn't move. She didn't want to. Not until Jeongyeon takes it back. **"Take it back."** Her eyes lost focus.

Tzuyu didn't know where to look, her eyes became blurry all of a sudden and she felt her grip loosening but no.

Not until Jeongyeon. Not until her unnie says it's a joke.

 **"It's a damn near possibility Tzuyu."** Her heart broke with that.

_No. I need to prove to her that it's not. Jihyo unnie's not leaving. No. No one's gonna leave._

_Especially not her._

_No please._

_No more leaving me._

_No more._

Before they all knew it, Tzuyu was already running out of the garden, skidding through the halls and into the parking lot. She unlocked her bike and almost ran over the security guard when she passed by the open gates.

She left everything in just a few seconds.

She needs to make sure that it wasn't right. That her everything hadn't left her like her unnie just told her. That her everything didn't leave her just like the rest of them.

Tzuyu's tears streamed down her face as she pedaled away, taking over cars on the way. She knew the turns and shortcuts, she knew the roads leading to Jihyo's grandma's house by heart. It was her 2nd favorite house after her shared apartment with Jihyo, she had many fun memories with Jihyo in her grandma's house, more so of the older woman showing her embarrassing pictures of her lover when she was quite young. A bitter smile made its way on her face when she remembered a specific memory of Jihyo clamoring from the kitchen to the living room just to grab a baby picture from her grandma's before it reached Tzuyu, stuttering an excuse that it was the most embarrassing baby picture she has and that she'd let Tzuyu see it someday. But it made her sob when she remembered what happened the night following.

They were sleeping on Jihyo's bed, Tzuyu spooning Jihyo from behind, their hands intertwined on top of Jihyo's stomach. They were both still awake, thoughts keeping them up, and Tzuyu asked a question. She wondered when Jihyo was going to show her the baby picture she deemed was the most embarrassing out of all the baby pictures her grandma had showed her. She could still remember the sound of Jihyo's laugh, how careless and free it sounded when it reached her ears. Jihyo answered her, and Tzuyu swore she never wished time to move faster than before.

_"Don't worry. I'll tell you when we get married someday."_

Tzuyu stopped and parked her bike on the driveway of Jihyo's grandma's house, walking up fast to the door and knocked too many times. Call her eager but she just needs to see Jihyo.

Or else she'll lose it.

A few minutes later, the door opened slightly and a head peeked out.

 **"H-How are you, halmeoni?"** Tzuyu stuttered her question, gauging for the older woman's reaction. The look on Jihyo's grandma's face never changed, only staring at Tzuyu with blank eyes that made Tzuyu feel alienated. The older woman never loses the smile on her face when she greets her guests, but now, it was like the older woman never knew her.

 **"Jihyo's not here."** Was the only thing Jihyo's grandma said before shutting her door.

Tzuyu stared at the closed door for a moment, trying to comprehend what just happened.

**"She's not here."**

_Then where is she?_

The thought of not knowing where Jihyo was struck Tzuyu like a lightning bolt. She felt goosebumps crawl on her skin as the look of dread and fear started to appear on her face.

Where was Jihyo?

Where did she go?

Did something happen to her?

Tzuyu knocked frantically on the door, jumping as she tried to shake off the fear off of her body.

Jihyo's grandma opened the door again, an annoyed look plastered on her face.

 **"W-Where is she?"** Was the only thing Tzuyu could came up with.

 **"She left already, Tzuyu."** With that, the old lady left the young girl staggering in her front porch.

Left.

She...left.

Jihyo...left.

Left. As in she went away.

She...

Tzuyu swallowed the lump in her throat as she finally let the tears fall from her eyes.

Gone.

_She's gone._

_She can't be._

_She promised._

**"Where did she go?"** Tzuyu muttered in the air, thoughts running through her mind. She walked back to her bike and leaned on it and stared at the sky for awhile. Nothing registered to her when she closed her eyes, it was like her senses shut off on its own. She couldn't hear anything, feel anything, she just couldn't sense anything.

_She's gone Tzuyu. She left._

_She promised before that she won't. She promised me._

**"Tzuyu."**

_She won't do this to me._

**"Tzuyu."**

_She's not like them._

**"Tzuyu. What are you doing here?"**

_Please tell me where she is._

**"Tzuyu snap out of it!"**

A loud and painful smack on her cheeks pulled her from her worry stricken mind. The maknae looked up to see someone she never thought she would see again.

**"D-Dahyun unnie?"**

The tofu girl looked at her with cold eyes, the feeling of her gaze making Tzuyu frozen on her spot.

**"Why are you here?"**

Tzuyu continued staring at the tofu girl, who rolled her eyes when she had finally had enough of the gawking and the awkward staring. **"Are we really going to do this again? Tzuyu, I asked you, why are you here?"**

Tzuyu could only mutter one word.

**"Jihyo."**

**"I'm also here for her as well. Since you look like you'll not be moving from your position for quite awhile, let me go in first."** Dahyun hadn't taken much steps when Tzuyu stopped her.

 **"S-She's not there...unnie."** Dahyun turned and stared at Tzuyu's back. " **What do you mean she's not here?"**

Tzuyu tried to hold back a sob. " **She's gone."**

Dahyun stared at her for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. **"Oh. Okay."**

Without any words spoken again, Dahyun disappeared too fast for her liking.

Tzuyu felt defeated.

She got up from the pavement and rode her bike, pedaling home.

She walked inside her apartment like a zombie, her eyes swollen, tear streaks running down her cheeks.

She walked all the way to her room and settled herself in the comforts of her blanket, letting sleep and tiredness engulf her.

After a few hours of sleeping, Tzuyu got up feeling gloomy and grabbed the remote from her bedside table, turning on the tv. She needed distraction.

But what welcomed her first was Jihyo's name being told on the tv.

Park Jihyo was one of the unlucky passengers who failed to survive the plane crash. Her body is currently being moved from San Francisco to Seoul.

That can't be her Park Jihyo, right?

_There's a lot of Park Jihyo, right?_

_It can't be her._

_She's Jihyo. She can survive. She's not the kind of person who goes down easily._

But then a picture of Jihyo came up on the screen and Tzuyu was sure she lost her soul.

Not Jihyo.

Please not her.

Tzuyu didn't get to notice that her tears were falling down her cheeks.

Was this what Jihyo felt?

Tzuyu can say that there wasn't any left of her heart.

Just fragments of memories and feelings.

Jihyo also left.


End file.
